Twisted Drabbles: Ironies and Such
by play for keeps
Summary: Ever wondered why Kyle is a horrible cop, why Jo is oblivious to Danny and Lacey having a thing, or why we're left in the dark about certain scenes like never seeing Clara, or what Danny and Lacey did after they made out for the first time? Find all the answers here in this humorous re-telling of key scenes from the show, stating the obvious and pointing out ironies..and such.
1. The Fest and the Furious

**Welcome to _Twisted Drabbles,_ where I point out the ironies and stupidities of the show, and sometimes look into the future based off what the characters say in the scenes below! This isn't a re-cap, since I'm starting with episode 5 (Fall Fest) and I'm only pointing out scenes that captured my attention. These are basically my thoughts when I watched the episode for the first time and many other times, such as why Tim Calvert isn't charged with pushing Danny, or how I think Tess looks at Danny. And now I'm expanding on those thoughts with humor. **

**I was partially inspired by _PopInsomniacs_ who've made photo recaps of episodes 1-4. But they haven't made the 5th one yet, so I got the idea to continue using my own jokes and taking it in the direction of stating ironies. I was also partially inspired by a Nancy Drew fanfic where someone pointed out ironies in Nancy Drew computer games, and it was so dead on that I wanted to write something similar. So here I am, and I hope you guys enjoy it! I'll continue this up to the finale episode.**

**And characters will more than likely be OOC through their dialogue. :)**

**Rated T for swearing, sexual themes, drug references, and underage partying.**

**Spanish translated from Google Translate. I haven't brushed up on my Spanish in years, so this was the easiest thing.**

* * *

**_Twisted Drabbles_**

* * *

_At the Mastersons breakfast table…_

"Is that all Danny told you?" Kyle asked Jo, after she explained that Regina was wearing Tara Desai's necklace to her mother.

"Yeah, it was a family heirloom and it was missing from Regina."

"He didn't mention having it in his locker?"

"Why would it be in his locker?" Jo furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"Just a hunch," Kyle stated.

"I'll bet you my yellow sweater that you're wrong."

"Jo, that's crazy talk," the chief said, shaking his head. "That thing looks like puke. Give me your last free coupon for Johnny Cakes' milkshakes instead."

"Maaan, I was gonna share that with Danny," Jo sighed heavily.

* * *

_At Danny's house with Danny and Karen in the kitchen…_

"Wow," Danny blurted at the TV, causing Karen to jump. He just heard Tim Calvert explain that fall fest wasn't safe as long as Danny was around. "Tell us how you really feel, Tim Calvert, local resident."

"You want some cereal?" Karen cheerily asked her son.

"Yeah," Danny answered. He proceeded to get a knife and chop up some banana slices, causing Karen's face to drain of all color.

_The precise cutting of that banana makes me think Danny killed Regina,_ Karen thought, gulping nervously. _If something unearthly possesses me to confess to her murder 3 episodes from now, I should remember to say I used a knife and not give a vague confession._

* * *

_At Fall Fest early in the afternoon…_

Danny walked up to Mrs. Masterson's pottery table and smiled. "Hey Mrs. Masterson. Uh, is Jo around?"

"Who knows. God you look so much like Vik," Tess breathed, wishing she could see Danny's angelic, loose hair on his shoulders.

"Uh, thank you?" Danny said, wrinkling his brow.

"You could've been my almost-son." Tess reached out to touch Danny's shoulder but he took 3 steps back, his face slightly wary. "Almost," she whispered.

"Yeah, Jo's like my sister. But what a nice and not eerily creepy comment, Mrs. Masterson. I'll definitely talk to you about my girl troubles that don't concern Jo if the opportunity ever arises. That's what an almost-son would do with his almost-mom, right?"

"Almost," Tess slyly grinned, cocking her head to the side and staring at the bewildered boy.

"Ok, you lost me," Danny said.

* * *

_At the police station in Kyle's office…_

"Fall Fest," started the mayor, "is the most important day of the year at Green Grove. You know that."

Kyle gasped. "I thought Christmas was!"

The mayor rolled his eyes and looked very perturbed. "_No_, Christmas is the most _wonderful time_ of the year. Damn you're stupid. Now stop wasting time and unfairly pin this murder on Danny."

"Remind me not to get you anything for Christmas," joked Kyle, but the mayor's face was not in a laughing mood. It looked straight up serious.

"And remind _me_ to hire a shady red-head if you continue to act like your snarky daughter."

"She…may or may not be mine…" Kyle uncertainly, and somewhat ashamedly, said. "Have you seen her hair? She didn't get that frizz from Tess. Must be someone else's kid."

* * *

_After Tim Calvert pushes Danny into the pi pies…_

Kyle pushed the seething right-winged nut away from Danny. "Lay off him, Tim." He turned to the worried crowd and waved his hand. "Nothing to see here folks, everything's fine!"

"Chief Masterson, Tim Calvert local resident just assaulted me!" Danny yelled, pointing a finger at the man who was steadily fuming at him.

"It's ok Danny, I gave him a cookie so he won't do it again."

Danny's jaw dropped. "But he just assaulted a minor! Why aren't you arresting him? Or taking him downtown? You take me downtown for no reason at all…ok that's…not what I meant—"

"Listen," Kyle said, exasperated. "That cookie was shipped all the way from Mexico, made with very rare, very authentic Mexican chocolate that's really hard to come by here. Trust me, he's not gonna do it again."

"Soooo, you're letting Tim Calvert local resident get away with this?" Danny said flatly.

"Yeah."

"Gosh sir, I didn't know your job included protecting idiots like Tim Calvert local resident who provoke fights with 16 year olds."

"Why do you keep calling him that?"

"It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"It does," Kyle admitted.

* * *

_Later at Fall Fest, with Jo and Danny at the apple throwing contest…_

"C'mon Desai, just, get a rhythm going!" Jo urged Danny.

"Yes Jo, I would gladly love to get a rhythm going while drawing further negative attention to myself to people who hate me," Danny said simply.

"But Dannyyyyyyyy," Jo whined. "If you wanna have fun, then you should have fun. I'm just trying to help you."

"You keep saying that, and yet I have this strange feeling that you're using reverse psychology on me. And we should've switched places, that way you were against Tim Calvert local resident."

Jo sighed in annoyance. "No point now, we're losing. Thanks, _Danny_."

After the contest was over, Danny and Jo talked amongst themselves. Just then, the Mastersons approached the teens, with Kyle hardcore staring at Danny who didn't back down, and Tess looking as happy as always.

"Oh honey, your hair," Tess fussed, touching Jo's hair while leading her away from the men.

"What's wrong with it?" Jo asked worriedly.

"That was just a ploy to get you away." Tess handed Jo her lip gloss. "Here, just take it."

Jo scrunched up her nose. "What's this?"

"A pixie stick," Tess snapped. "C'mon, it's lip gloss. Give yourself a little color for your almost-brother."

"Mom, do you know how incest-y that sounds?" Jo whispered, looking around to make sure no one heard their conversation. "Are you talking about Danny? I don't wanna be seen as a sister, but as a potential love interest where he finally realizes his true feelings for me later in the season. I would die if he called me his sister—so stop saying it before he thinks it."

"He's done more than think it. But ok, I'll leave you two alone. I'm going to endure getting snapped at by your dad in a couple of seconds because I barely have a backbone."

"Maybe if you didn't snap at me, he wouldn't snap at you too. Karma's a bitch," Jo evilly smiled.

* * *

_At a random tree near Fall Fest with Lacey and Danny…_

"Look Danny, I found this envelope that most likely proves that you didn't kill Regina," Lacey said.

"Awesome!" Danny exclaimed. "Let's show it to Jo."

"I can't do that!" Lacey protested, looking at Danny like he was crazy. "Her dad's the chief of police, and we still don't know everything yet. If he thinks I knew something, he might bribe me with those Mexican cookies! And I haven't had one in _years_."

"I really don't get the big hype about these cookies," Danny said, shaking his head.

"You're seriously missing out."

"I think I'll manage. But anyway, we're telling Jo."

"But—"

"I'm not keeping this from her," Danny said with a raised voice, stepping closer to Lacey and searching her eyes.

_God I'm so turned on right now,_ Lacey thought, gazing back into Danny's brown eyes.

_God I wanna kiss her, but I'm gonna let her do it first,_ Danny thought. _I already tried to on the first day but she grabbed those damn chips to distract me._

Danny looked away from Lacey briefly, staring at particularly nothing with a somewhat stupid expression on his face. "Why you wanna meet like this?" he asked, eventually turning to look at her face again.

Lacey stared back at him and played dumb. "How were we supposed to meet?"

"You could've called me, texted me, and a bunch of other stuff," Danny shortly listed. "Why like this? Unless…" They continued to stare at each other and Danny moved closer into her personal space. "Unless you wanna get me alone?"

Lacey knew he figured her out, but instead she pointed a finger and defiantly said, "You know what, screw you!" and walked off.

"Lacey wait, I shouldn't have said that—" But Lacey turned around cut him off with a kiss. He was too stunned to say anything once she pulled back. She shook her head and huffed, running away from him again.

"Lacey wait wait wait—" Danny started, coming to his senses that he wanted to kiss her again. He pulled her back to him and they started making out.

"So—" Danny said in between kisses, "we're just gonna—keep making—out?"

"Yep," Lacey said, clutching him.

"And let—the viewers—write tons—of—fan fiction—speculating—what happens—between—now and—when— we get— to—the diner?"

"You're—catching—on."

"That's—genius."

* * *

_Back at Fall Fest with Jo and Rico talking at a table…_

"Why do you trust him?" Rico blurted out, turning around to look at Jo who was on her way walking back home. "He lied to us like a lot. Regina had his Aunt Tara's necklace?"

"He didn't lie, he just didn't tell us," Jo said, defending Danny.

"It's the same thing," Rico insisted. "If he doesn't tell you something else again, I hope you think back to this conversation and cry. Sorry, that was cruel. I love you Jo. Like more than friends."

"¿Que?"

"How did you not hear my voice drop and see my somber face when I talked to you at apple throwing? I wanted to come here with you."

"Realmente quiero una hamburguesa y tengo que hacer pis. ¿Es natural tener miedo de las hamburguesas? Tuve un mal sueño hace unos años. Quizá Danny me puede ayudar."

"So now you're gonna speak Spanish and ignore me?" Rico angrily sighed and got up from the table. "I'll see you later, my bunions are chaffing."

* * *

_At the diner…_

Jo applied the lip gloss on her mouth, smiling at the thought of getting some with Danny as she waited for him_. My lip gloss is poppin', my lip gloss is cool, Danny's gonna like me and imma kiss him after school. Or after we leave the diner, whichever one._

Jo's face lit up when she saw Danny walked in. _Oh it's Danny._

And then Lacey walked in.

_Oh shit it's Lacey. _ Jo's smile vanished as she quickly rubbed off the cheap lip gloss.

Danny and Lacey joined Jo at the booth. Jo looked back and forth between the two. "Since when are you guys buddy-buddy?"

Danny paused before he talked to Jo and leaned in towards her. "Jo, the real question here is, do you know what Lacey found?"

"Huh?"

"2 things," Danny said. "A new man, aaaaaand this envelope." He placed it on the table.

Jo glanced at the contents and mailing address. "Wow, the semi-crowded diner, where anyone can overhear us, is the _perfect_ place to tell me a clue to Regina's murder. And you dumped Archie, Lacey?"

"Danny's such a liar," Lacey said, rolling her eyes. "You can't trust anything he says. I know we both won't 4 episodes from now."

"How do you know that?"

"Lucky guess."

* * *

_Back at the Masterson's house in the living room…_

"My God, Tess, you're being charmed by a freakin' psychopath!" Kyle yelled at his wife.

"Don't yell at me!" Tess equally yelled back, growing that backbone she wanted earlier. "And don't talk about my almost-son that way!"

"We're still talking about Danny, right?" Kyle asked, slightly confused.

"Yeah."

"You must be high. But wait, that's impossible, because no wife of mine would have Mary Jane secretly stashed off camera."

"You said it not me," Tess said, putting her hands up.

"Moving onnnnn," Kyle frowned, "he tied a rope around his aunt's neck and killed her. And now a person, Jo's age I might add, is murdered this time. I don't think you care about our daughter. Then again, I don't think she's our daughter with that frizzy hair of hers…"

"I care about Jo's safety, _just_ as much as you!" Tess said sternly.

"Well it sure doesn't seem like it!"

Tess looked at Kyle, taken aback and angry. "Don't take it out on me, _just_ because you can't solve your case. And you're not getting this pus-pus tonight."

Kyle watched her go up the stairs. "Well damn."

* * *

**Please review :)**


	2. Three for the Road

**Wow guys, I wasn't expecting all the reviews from the first chapter! It really means a lot that you guys are reviewing, favoriting, (don't think that's a word but it is now) and following. All your reviews made me :). Thank you so much for your support! Glad you like the idea.**

**This chapter is more drabble than stating the obvious, but episode 6 (Three For the Road) didn't really have a lot of ironies/obviousness. At least the scenes I focused on, anyway. The next coming episodes definitely will though. I can already tell you that episode 8 (Docu-Trauma) is already one of my favorite ones to write. It's 90% written, so that will be up after episode 7 (We Need to Talk About Danny) is up.**

* * *

**_Twisted Drabbles_**

* * *

_Outside of Green Grove High…_

Danny's Lacey senses were tingling as he spotted her near the school and ran up to her. "Hey, Lacey! Lacey, Lacey, Lacey, Lacey—"

"WHAT?!" she yelled, whipping her head at him.

"Any new info?"

"No, not yet."

"Well, I thought about the envelope we found. Instead of going to the police because you're choosing to defend your dead friend's reputation over clearing my name, we should go to Connecticut and find out whoever lives in that apartment."

"Great idea," Lacey said sarcastically. "Let's knock on the door and ask why they sent that note. And while we're there, let's ask if they murdered Regina and took her necklace."

"Cool, I'll bring snacks," Danny chuckled.

Just then, Jo popped out of nowhere to cockblock.

"Hey guys, watcha dooooooin'?"

"Gosh Jo!" Lacey shouted, jumping in the air. "Can you wear a bell or something?"

"I heard snacks so I came by," Jo confessed. "Why are you guys staring at each other?"

"We're not staring at each other," Danny said as he and Lacey continued to do just that.

"You guys are _totally _staring at each other."

"No we're not," Lacey said, still staring at Danny.

Jo gasped. "Is this a staring contest? I wanna join!"

"You're not invited," Lacey said.

"Hey Jo—" Danny started before Jo could say something snarky, "me and Lacey were thinking of taking a road trip to Connecticut."

"Wow, that's a really stupid idea," Jo snidely said.

Danny bowed his head. "It was mine…"

"Haha, I didn't mean _that _kind of stupid," Jo said, covering her tracks. "I meant stupid as in 'dope fresh it's off the heezy…yo'?"

"Never do that again," Lacey said.

"Sorry, I got it from Rico," Jo sighed.

* * *

_At the Masterson's with Jo trying to unsuccessfully escape…_

"Hey, I'm headed to the diner to meet Rico, I'll see you guys later," Jo said, trying to rush out.

"Hold up, the diner?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah Rico's waiting for me, so, gotta run."

"You told me Johnny Cakes was closed for a private party."

"Oh yeah, I meant at school, they're open late on Tuesdays."

"Didn't you just say Rico was at the diner waiting for you?"

While Jo stood there dumbfounded, Tess jumped to her rescue.

"She got confused, Kyle. Let her go."

"She got _confused?_" Kyle repeated in disbelief, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes," Tess said plainly. "She's a very confused girl. She speaks random Spanish sometimes; I don't think she knows what language she's supposed to speak in. Sometimes her hair looks like a wet dog, and other times it's curled to perfection like she came back from a photo shoot and her stylist forgot to make it look crappy before she shot her next scene. She's clearly suffering from Bilingual Bed-Head Bipolar Disorder."

"Do we have to pay for counseling like we did for her PTSD?" Kyle asked.

"Yes."

Kyle angrily shook his head and walked away. "I don't have time for this shit."

* * *

_At the Masterson's once again with Karen and Tess talking in the living room…_

Karen pointed to Tess' blue vase. "Is that yours?"

"It is," Tess answered.

"It's beautiful," Karen said, walking towards it while Tess all of a sudden looked shifty.

"Wow, out of all the plain vases on that shelf, _that's_ the one you pick up?"

"Is something wrong with it?" Karen asked.

"No. It's not like I'm potentially hiding anything from you that could forever destroy our friendship."

"You know, I was drawn to this vase because it looked overshadowed by the others and it reminds me of Vik. He liked murky colors. It even smells like him!"

"_Really?"_

Karen sniffed the vase again. "It kind of smells like his _Calvin Klein_ cologne."

"Uh huh…"

"If we had Vik's body, I'd cremate it so I could put his ashes in here and sniff it every day. That's how much this vase reminds me of him."

"That's so disgustingly morbid and sweet, but too bad his body was never found or I'd help. But hey, instead of looking at that seemingly ordinary, highly simple, uncreative vase that has no foreboding significance whatsoever, wanna make our own vases?"

"As fun as that sounds," Karen slyly grinned, "I'd rather get high and play strip poker."

"Oh my God, yes," Tess breathed.

* * *

_After Lacey and Jo fight about why they're not friends in Connecticut…_

"Theeeeere you go again, Jo Masterson, always the victim!" Lacey shouted.

"Lacey Porter, always _p_opular, _p_erfect, _p_ompous, _p_retentious, _p_essimistic, _p_ain in my ass—"

"Stop putting so much emphasis on the 'p'! It's annoying and unnecessary!"

"This road trip is annoying and unnecessary!"

"No one forced you to come!"

Jo stopped before thinking of more stupid alliterations. "…_P_rickly, _p_ushy, _p_itiful—"

"UGH!" Lacey groaned.

* * *

_When Lacey and Jo snoop on the security guard's computer…_

"Oh my God!" Lacey exclaimed.

"What?!" yelled Jo.

"Vikram's alive!"

"Yeah, and Danny's mom needs to eat like 50 cheeseburgers. What's your point?"

"I don't know about you Jo, but whenever I hear in passing that someone important suspiciously disappears after a freak accident, I automatically think they're dead and don't question it."

Jo studied Lacey's face intensely. "…And you guys say _I'm_ the dumb one."

* * *

_After Tess admits to having an affair with Vik and Karen comes back in the house…_

Tess looked at Karen bashfully. "Listen, I, uh…"

"I know, Tess. It's—it's ok, I overreacted. You know, it hit a nerve. Vikram and I…well…let's just say we never had the perfect marriage."

"Oh I know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean I know you guys were rocky."

"Oh, cuz it kind of sounded like you had an affair with him while I was still married and you guys snuck behind my back to sleep together in his Connecticut apartment."

Tess' mouth dropped open as she stared at Karen blankly.

"Just kidding!" Karen laughed.

"Oh." Tess said. "Haha."

* * *

_When Jo and Lacey try to save Danny from the security guard…_

"Remember when we said we had to get in apartment 413?" Jo asked the security guard. "That was a lie—to get in the building. Our friend—he's in love…with a woman that lives here."

"Angela Peck, do you know her?" Lacey asked.

"Angela Peck?" The security guard repeated. "She lives in 431 not 413."

"Oh!" Lacey said at the same time Jo said "431". Lacey looked at Danny. "You got the apartment wrong."

"Shoot, I inverted the numbers again," Danny said in an unconvincing tone. "It's part of my dyslexia."

The guard looked at Danny like he was stupid. "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"I was an embarrassed teen with a crush. She never returned any of my calls."

"That's probably because she's married and has 4 kids."

"…Did I mention the dyslexia comes with short term memory loss?" Danny added.

The guard looked at all three teens. "I'm gonna call Mrs. Peck to confirm all this."

"It's late," Jo blurted out like usual. "Won't she be asleep?"

"And her kids?" Lacey said.

"…Ef y'all, I'm still calling Angela." The guard started dialing her number.

Danny blew some stray hair out his face. "Darn it, why are you so realistic and not buying our obviously poorly planned story?"

The guard smiled as he connected to Angela's phone. "Hi Mrs. Peck, sorry for calling—"

Danny's hand collided hard on the left side of the security guard's face, knocking the man out cold on the floor with the phone dangling from the desk.

"Oh my God, Danny!" Lacey and Jo screamed.

"We're on a time limit and were gonna get busted. It was either that or the screwdriver thingy I was eyeing on the desk earlier," Danny said all too calmly. "I call it Juvie Parlor Trick 101." With that being said, he chucked up his deuces to the guard, stepped over him, and nonchalantly walked out the room as if he didn't just K.O. a grown man.

* * *

**So when I was re-watching certain scenes from this episode, it hit me that the scene where Karen picks up that vase and calls it beautiful is the same vase that had Vik's number on it from the finale! Who would've known that unless you watched this episode again?! It's crazy! Did anyone pick up on that right away without re-watching episode 6? The writers are sneaky.**

**Please review :)**


	3. We Need to Talk About Danny

**I can't tell you how blown away I am by all your guys' feedback! I can't express how happy I am. I'm glad you guys like this story as much as I like writing it. I saw it was shared on Tumblr and I'm completely flattered! I'm happy you guys are sharing this story with people you know.**

**I have to give a big shout out to t3centre! I saw she posted this on her Tumblr and shared it with her friends. Thanks for spreading my story and getting new people to read it. A few people left reviews because of you so thank you so much! You are truly kind :) **

**Shout out to UrbanWitch for telling me that Danny's shirts were called Henleys! I didn't know that's what they were called. :P**

**Thank you Guests for your reviews and AmyRose92. I would've said thank you AmyRose92 but I could't PM you.**

**Thank you everyone else for reading and leaving your fantastic reviews! I appreciate them so much. You guys inspire me to update this as quickly as possible!**

**And now on to the story...**

* * *

_**Twisted Drabbles**_

* * *

_At the Masterson's with Jo asking Tess about Vikram in the living room…_

"Mom, what do you remember about Danny's dad?" Jo asked.

Tess hesitated before speaking. "Vikram? Why are you asking? Why do you wanna know, what did you find out, what's it _to_ you? I didn't do anything wrong!"

"I never said you did," Jo said in her usual snarky way. "I was only asking a simple question that's completely unrelated to the trip I took with Danny and Lacey. Just curious."

"Oh." Tess bit her lip. "Vik was complex, but fun, very outgoing, like Danny. And that's it."

"You don't remember—"

"Nope, that's it."

"But I thought—"

"You thought wrong. There's nothing else to say."

"Wow Mom, thanks for that helpful bit of information."

"Don't back-sass me," Tess snapped. "Now go and eat your damn eggs before they get cold."

* * *

_When Danny and Lacey talk about their relationship outside of school…_

"Lacey, that kiss? That's all I think about. All day, every day. At night, when I turn off my light. In bed, when I rest my head—"

"Ok, you need to stop," Lacey interrupted. "If this is a way to get me to dump Archie and go after you, it's not working."

"I thought rhyming would make you laugh," Danny said in his usual charm that never worked on Lacey.

"Does it look like I'm laughing?"

"No."

"I already told you that kiss was a mistake. I don't wanna talk about it."

"I should've brought it up when you first said it, but I have _no_ recollection of you saying it was a mistake to me. I can't picture the scene at all. It's like that conversation never existed and wasn't important enough to be on camera. But you really think it was a mistake? You don't think about it too?"

"Danny I—"

"So you don't feel the same way," Danny challenged, staring at Lacey who said nothing. He leaned closer to her. "You and I both know that is not true."

Lacey stared at Danny, at a loss for words, and then ran away like she always did.

"Huh. I thought we'd make out after that," Danny said.

* * *

_At the Masterson's with Danny in Tess's pottery class…_

"Danny, I'm so glad you signed up for my pottery class. This is a great way to spend almost-mother-almost-son bonding time," Tess happily said.

"I couldn't agree with you more, Mrs. Masterson," Danny nodded. "Remember when I said I would talk to you about my girl problems that have nothing to do with Jo if the opportunity ever arose?"

"Yeah."

"Well, there's this girl I like—that's not Jo, cuz she's my best friend—and she keeps pushing me away."

"Have you tried talking to this girl?" Tess asked.

"Yeah, and she keeps running away from me. It was cute at first but now it's annoying."

"Well, there's not much you can do," Tess sighed. "Just in case you get the not too bright idea to go to an underage house party, which could get you in even more trouble, don't stalk her like a creep and eye her down while drinking wine. That might be a turn on to some girls, but since this girl knows you're a murderer, she's probably scared shitless of you already."

"You bring up some good but painfully insensitive points," Danny said. "But what if I substitute the wine for beer and went to a cemetery party instead? Could I stalk her then?"

Tess thought about it for a second. "Yeah that could work."

* * *

_In Coach Chandler's office with Danny getting pissed off…_

"Hold on, hold on," Danny said incredulously. "You think someone did this to him on purpose?"

Coach Chandler pulled out a bag of mothballs. "We found this in the weight room trash can. Apparently, a small dose of this crap can mimic food poisoning. You were the only one there with Cole this morning. You know anything about this?"

"No. No I don't. Let me ask you something: do you really think I'm dumb enough to poison someone when I'm already suspected for an ongoing murder investigation?" Danny smartly asked.

"Well I—"

"And if I did it, do you think I would sloppily leave the bag in plain sight where anyone can find it and unjustly frame me? I would've burned it! As we said in juvie, 'Burn your fears, and you won't go to jail for years."'

"Danny that's—"

"And do you _think_, if I wanted to hurt Cole, I would use something as stupid and amateur as mothballs? I would've given him a PB & A sandwich."

"What's that?"

"Peanut butter and arsenic."

Coach Chandler looked at Danny strangely and shook his head. "Look, I don't wanna hit you with more legal trouble and I don't wanna lose my job. The whole team's been antsy because of this and can't stop complaining about you, so I'm kicking you off the team."

"What?!" Danny yelled.

"You're gonna tell everyone you left for personal reasons. And I'm gonna need you to turn in your jersey."

"Not my jersey!" Danny cried. "Please, anything but that! It's the only shirt I own besides my Henleys!"

"Sorry," Coach Chandler said simply.

"_Fine." _ Danny abruptly got up from his chair and walked towards the door, but then stopped and turned to face the coach. "You're not gonna question Archie, are you? Or check for fingerprints to prove I'm innocent?"

"Nope."

"You're right, that's incredibly illogical and requires too much work anyway," Danny stated.

* * *

_When Tyler talks to Jo in the hallway and Danny's a mildly interested third wheel…_

"So, Jo, what are you up to right now?" Tyler asked.

Jo looked confused. "I'm here for the PSAT, isn't that why everyone's here?"

"No, only the cool kids," Tyler said. "I'm here for film club. I'm kind of the president, so—"

"Congratulations. Can you uh, excuse us for a minute—"

"Not—un-til," Tyler stopped Danny from grabbing Jo, "you agree to come to my birthday party tonight. It's at Green Grove Cemetery. Lacey's coming."

Danny near broke his neck as he whipped his head at Tyler.

"Well thanks but I'm grounded tonight so—"

"We'll be there," Danny said, cutting Jo off. Tyler and Jo looked at him. "What? Sounds like a blast."

"You didn't care about this conversation until I said Lacey was going," Tyler pointed out.

"Yeah, you almost gave yourself whiplash after he said Lacey's name," Jo added.

"Pssh, I just happened to relieve the crick in my neck the same time he said Lacey," Danny said. "Totally coincidental."

"Ahhhhh," Jo and Tyler said.

* * *

_At the cemetery where Sarita calls out Lacey for meeting with Jo and Danny…_

"I know you were with them, "Sarita quickly said. "Jo and Danny. It's obvious you're hanging out with them again—"

"Sarita no, I'm not—"

"I'm not gonna tell anyone. But you can't have it both ways. You have to choose. Us or them."

"Why do I have to choose?" Lacey knitted her brows.

"Because there'd be no conflict or angst if you don't, _duh._ Plus, this shows everyone I'm the bitch and not you."

Lacey nodded. "That is true."

* * *

_At Johnny Cakes with Lacey and Archie…_

"Archie, we need to talk," Lacey said.

Archie looked like he was going to open his mouth, but randomly stopped and stared at Lacey.

"Aren't you…gonna say something?" Lacey asked.

"I'd thought we'd take this moment to pause and leave it to the audience's imagination."

"Wow, why didn't I think of that? The _one_ time you decide to be smart and not a total meathead is when I'm breaking up with you. "

"Wait, you're breaking up with me?" Archie asked dumbfounded.

"Oh c'mon, don't tell me you don't know what 'we need to talk' means. This relation-_ship _has turned into relation-_shit_."

"Damn." Archie looked at Lacey in admiration mixed with resentment. "Cold and clever."

* * *

_In the Masterson's living room with Jo trying to tell Tess she likes Danny…_

"Jo, I'm your mom," Tess said. "You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"

"It's Danny," Jo said.

"What about Danny?"

Jo paused for a minute. "I think that I have…I think I like him, Mom."

"Oh. Wow. Jo, that wasn't surprising at all. I know you barely have any common sense, but I gave you that lip gloss because I knew you had a crush on him. Everyone can see it."

"It's not a crush," Jo countered. "I think that I'm in love with him."

_This would be a really good time to tell her that Danny likes another girl, buuuut, I'm not going to,_ Tess thought. _I'll just act like I don't know anything and watch my daughter experience her first heartbreak while doing absolutely nothing to prevent it. I just wanna be a good mom and prolong her inevitable anguish a little longer._

"Jo, it's a complicated situation. Danny's your almost-brother; that's gross!"

"Yeah, _almost._ We're not really related."

"I just want you to be careful," Tess warned.

"That's all you have to say to me? Be careful?"

"Something wrong with that?"

Jo huffed and walked towards the stairs to go to her room. "Thanks for the not vague and suck-ish advice, Mom. It helped loads."

* * *

_After Lacey knocks on Danny's door and he opens it, stunned…_

Lacey took a deep breath and stepped closer for dramatic effect. "I broke up with him."

Danny broke into a smile. "So how'd it go?"

"Besides a nice play on words, it was very anti-climatic and almost liked no one cared. Including me."

* * *

_When Eddie knocks on the Masterson's door…_

Kyle opened the door, not too surprised that Eddie was outside of it for some weird reason. "Eddie."

"Hey, uh, sorry to bug you at home," Eddie said.

"Everything ok?"

"This might qualify as more than ok." Eddie whipped out the necklace in the crime bag and smirked. "We found it."

Kyle looked unfazed.

"It's the necklace!" Eddie acknowledged.

"Yeah."

"The one we've been trying to find forever."

"Yeah."

"Why aren't you surprised?"

"Maybe because almost every episode before this ended with someone finding that damn necklace like it was a big revelation." Kyle rolled his eyes. "It was old and redundant. 'Oh you found the necklace, what a shocker!'"

"…You're an ass," Eddie said dryly.

Kyle smiled. "I know."

* * *

**Thank you all once again! I truly appreciate your feedback!**


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